When I receive a call from someone who thinks their spouse is cheating on them, it's about a 95% chance they are being cheated on.
California is a no-fault divorce state, so infidelity really has no affect on a divorce case. Nevertheless, my clients still want that "Peace of Mind" by confirming whether their spouse is really having an affair and with whom.
So here are the basic signs of a cheating spouse:
1) When your spouse does not tell you where they were for the past 4 hours after leaving work (on an ongoing basis). This is very common among cheaters. They tell you that it's none of your business.
2) Lack of affection shown by your spouse. This is not necessarily a sure sign of a cheater, but if all of sudden, after a healthy love life with your spouse all the passion stops, then you must wonder if there is another person.
3) When they spend less and less time with you and your children. This is the biggest sign of a cheating spouse or at least a spouse who has absolutely no interest in continuing their family relationship to make it stronger.
4) There are the obvious signs: Lipstick on the collar, the smell of someone else's perfume or cologne on their clothing or long blonde hair on the passenger seat of the car.
5) My favorite sign (based on the calls from clients) is condoms in the car. Yes, people are that stupid. Especially when one or both spouses are fixed.
Now, there are many lists on the web of "cheating spouse signs." Based on my expertise as an investigator, I do not believe some of these other alleged signs are valid. For example, if your spouse, all of a sudden, wants to wear thong undergarments, that does not mean he/she is having an affair. If your spouse wants to buy better clothes, that does not necessarily mean they are having an affair.
I believe communication with your spouse is the most important factor in your relationship in determining whether an affair is taking place. If you truly believe your spouse is having an affair or cheating on you, then most likely it's true.
Who Is Your Spouse Having An Affair With?
1) A co-worker or supervisor/boss. This is the most common person a spouse would be having an affair with according to our previous investigation results.
2) Someone they met on the internet. This is a growing trend with the advancements in technology.
3) An old flame from before they were married.
4) Someone they met at the gym where they work out. It could be someone they work out with or even their personal trainer.
If you do not have any clue who your spouse may be having an affair with, I suggest hiring a licensed private investigator to follow your spouse. The fees to hire an investigator start about $500 per night to follow your spouse from work or when they go out at night by themselves or with friends.
All in all, I hope you do not find your spouse showing any of these cheating signs or actually having an affair.
Jay Rosenzweig is a licensed private investigator specializing in domestic and marital investigations in Los Angeles and Orange Counties of Southern California.